Dos & Don’ts of Supporting Someone with Mental Illness

Depression During the Holidays

With the holidays just around the corner, it’s important to know that this can be a very difficult time of year for those with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Family gatherings can be overwhelming and conversations, at times, can feel more like interrogations. Yet your help in supporting someone with mental illness can be one of the most satisfying gifts you can share. With this in mind, our team of mental health professionals have put together a list of dos and don’ts to help you make a difference this holiday season and beyond. 

• Do:

  • Invite them into conversation. For those with mental illness, it can be challenging to connect with others. By engaging them in conversation, you can help break down this barrier. 
  • Let them know you’re there to support them. Tell them that they can talk to you about what they’re feeling without judgement. Be sure to do this privately.
  • Learn their signs.
    • Do they become disengaged when there are too many people around? Ask them to go with you to another room with less people.
    • Do they seem uncomfortable about a particular topic of conversation? Try steering the conversation to another topic they would be more comfortable with.
    • Is there a particular individual who they are uncomfortable around? If they seem trapped in a conversation with this individual, join them so they are not alone, or help them leave the conversation.
  • Set realistic expectations.
    • Allow time for breaks. For people with depression and anxiety, events can be exhausting. During the holidays, we tend to schedule a lot of get togethers while people are in town. This can be too much for someone with mental illness. Try scheduling off days or breaks between events so they can take a mental break.

Your help in supporting someone with mental illness can be one of the most satisfying gifts you can share.

• Don’t

  • Ask leading questions. For example, “Are you planning to go back to work soon?”  Even though it may be unintentional, by asking leading questions, you are sharing what you expect the individual to do or how you expect them to answer. This could cause them to feel stressed, inadequate, or put on the spot. Instead, give them the freedom to share their interests with you. 
  • Force them to do things that make them uncomfortable. Getting someone out of their comfort zone can be beneficial, but when done at an already overwhelming time, it can have the opposite of the intended effect. 
  • Dismiss their feelings. Comments like “everyone feels sad at times” can make the individual feel like you are downplaying their disease.
  • Hold to rigid schedules. Know that a depressive episode can hit at any time regardless of the date on the calendar. Be flexible with plans if needed.

Special Considerations During COVID-19

When supporting someone with mental illness, such as PTSD, depression or anxiety, understand that COVID can be extremely overwhelming for the individual. Let them know it’s okay to be extra cautious to stay safe, whether that means not eating at a gathering to keep their mask on or staying home altogether. Those with anxiety often over analyze their decisions and will stress over how others will react. Being supportive of their decisions will go a long way to reduce their anxiety.

COVID has made feelings of isolation stronger than ever. Reach out to your family members or friends with major depressive disorder. If you are not participating in your traditional holiday celebrations this year, find alternative ways to make the holidays special.